Tayler and I talked a little bit. We sort of got things worked out, not really. She's still on that little sister crap. Because she 'taught me a lot' over the years while apparently learning nothing from me. And it makes me, for now, stand by what I've said in the past; she doesn't take me seriously. This is pretty much how the fight went:
Her: lecture lecture lecture LECTURE!
Me: ~Oh, you're going to lecture me on what I'm doing wrong in life? OK, I'll do the same to you~ lecture lecture LECTURE.
Her: Um, excuse me? I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. But you lecture lecture lecture.
She said that it was that that's what friends do, they protect each other and sometimes Nathan has to do the same for her. WELL then, if you're going to "protect" me why shouldn't I do the same for you? She reacted EXACTLY how I did when I did the the same thing to her she did to me. So, being all this as it is. She can say she doesn't think of me as an ignorant child, but that's the treatment I got. And I think it's the treatment I've BEEN getting. Because now that I think about it, she never comes to me for anything. Not advice, not comfort. She has for comfort in the past when we were still going to choir together, but that's been A LONG time ago. And I don't recall her ever asking me anything. So, apparently in her mind I have nothing to offer. It's like a grown adult and a 5 year old child. You don't go to a 5 year old for advice and you don't ask them questions about problems. Even just the way she worded it "...I'm a big girl and can take care of myself..." in other words, I am not. I don't know what made her decide this about me. Did I ask to many questions? I didn't have a whole public school of a choices of people to go to you know, my options were kind of limited if I wanted to know something. I didn't have a sex education class like the fancy book learners. I mean, I went to her for EVERYTHING. Yet her life was, and is, a mystery to me. She hides it like you would hide the fact that Santa isn't real to a child (or something, you get the idea.). "It has nothing to do with her being beneath me" well you don't see ignorant children as 'beneath' you either.
Seriously, I hope I'm wrong and just don't know what she's really trying to do or say, but based on what she said and how she acted, this is my conclusion.
I told her, if you want to protect someone maybe do it more gently, I quoted Friedrich Nietzsche "We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the way in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us." And she agreed. And, that's the nice way of saying it. If I didn't want her to listen, I could have said "bitching at someone is not how you go about protecting them, not matter how right you are, you'll just piss them off."
But whatever her reasons for thinking so little of me, she does. Or at least appears to. I went to her in my times of need, and I will never make that mistake again. I know she has problems, questions, and sadness just like I do so I don't see why it has to be a one way street. She can think what she wants, she's 2 hours away so I don't have to put up with it any more.
Like I said, I hope it's just low self esteem or pride or something and there really isn't something to put up with , that it's just my misunderstanding. I was reading the Bible last night. It said basically to hold onto valuable friends. I would hate to lose her over a misunderstanding on my part, as far as I know (or knew) she was one of the most valuable I had, like a Blue Eyes White Dragon (on the show at least). Hm, maybe that's why she can't take me seriously especially as someone older than her, my little fetish. Sasuke, Gaara, Deidara, Seshomaru, Edward Elric, Dark, Grimjow, and Marik are some of the yummiest... some people like balloons, small children, ghosts, feet, animals, hell I've even heard of wheel chairs. But it's a game we used to play... we would pick our favorite anime guy and pretend to date him and marry him and whatever! (lol). Well... they've all moved on from their eastern cartoon lovers. Me however.. it was a little something more. A sexual attraction that comes from well drawn boys of preferably Japanese origin. And maybe when those boys are lonely when they're together and perhaps experiment with closeted feelings a little... with each other...
I was told "oh it's because you just haven't had any real guys" well, I have, for a while now. Nothing has changed. Watching Sasuke and Deidara battle it out with one shirtless the other robeless in a netted halter top in episodes 124 to 126 and chapters 357 to 363 in books 39 to 40 still gets me hot at the good parts.
Oh well, if my fetish makes me an ignorant child so be it. There really isn't much I can do x_x lolz!
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