I made this post on help.com to get different view points and have a discussion.
Breast feeding in public?
I think it’s totally fine as long as you’re careful no one sees anything, by using a towel or a blanket or something. But some people just think it’s disgusting and is even outlawed in some places, which I think is ridiculous. I think the law should say ‘it’s fine, so long as you hide your titties’.
Do you think shop owners should be allowed to outlaw it in their store/cafe if they’re afraid it’ll bother customers? Or if they’re so worried, should they have to provide a couch or chair in some place private for them?
What do you all think? :) Thanks!
I also put this up on Yahoo answers. Everyone pretty much agreed with me, but here are the links.
The first thing, about everyone leaning on you but you having no one… have you ever tried leaning on them? That’s what friends are for… and if they don’t let you lean on them than they’re not great friends. Every relationship must be win-win, or else you must drop the people from your life and never look back.
About your looks… attractive people have the same self-esteem problems that anyone does. Like money, attractiveness is relative and if you’re hotter than your friends, at that stage you start comparing yourself to people in the media, the ones that that have had the living guts Photoshopped out of them.
In other words, they’ve adjusted to the experience of being attractive the same as our high income earners have adjusted to having money; they just pick other flaws to worry about. Sure, if you used the magical artifact up there to become Angelina Jolie tomorrow, you’d notice the difference over how you’re treated now. But if you were born Angelina Jolie, you’d have no way of grasping it, the same as right now you don’t realize what it’s like to live life with some kind of horrible deformity.
You know how when the hot girl at the bar tells an unfunny joke, all the guys laugh anyway? Or when the office stud makes a mistake, the female boss laughs it off?
Attractive people live in a world where most feedback they get is bull. The compliments mean nothing–they’ve learned that’s just the sound people make when they walk by. That’s why studies show they tend to dismiss the genuine compliments they get in other areas (their work, personality, sense of humor, creativity) because it gets lumped in with the same counterfeit flattery they’ve been getting their whole lives.
I also know you want a boyfriend, but seriously don’t worry about it. You just have to understand that the goal of each desire is to bring happiness. So each time you find yourself wanting something… ask yourself if it will really make you happy, or just bring you pleasure. You must understand the difference between happiness and pleasure. Pleasure cannot be sustained beyond the activity or object, happiness can. It is also important to understand that “happiness” is something that can be pursued and obtained. Let me tell you, it is not. No matter what life situation you’re in (provided it’s not something extremely horrible like being chained in a kidnappers basement or starving to death Africa) the amount of good days and bad days you have will not change. Our brains are programmed to want more more more because that’s how we as animals in the wild survived. But we’re not in the wild anymore, we can not focus on thriving instead of just surviving. So no matter what goal you reach, it’ll never be enough.
So how, then, do we be over all happy? It relies %100 and I MEAN %100 on attitude. You feel badly about not having a boyfriend or not being white because that is how you CHOOSE to think of it. But if you realize that, if you be patent and know that a great man will come along one day, you’ll be content and not worry about it. You’ll know that your life would not improve in any way if you had white skin. In fact, you’d be laying in the sun all day trying to be tan. White is not hot, that’s why we have to work at being darker unlike some other lucky people (like Hispanics, for example) who are born that way.
Dose any of that make sense?
**IMPORTANT EDIT:
that “happiness” is something that CANNOT be pursued and obtained.
Let me tell you, that is true. (instead of “Let me tell you, it is not”)
I really need to read over my replies before I send them… lolz.
**ANOTHER IMPORTANT EDIT
We can NOW focus on thriving instead of just surviving. Not “not”! lolz.
(I really need to finish reading before making edits…;; lolz! Sorry about the mistakes, I hope I got the message across)
If you go to a department store, the women behind the counters will give you a make over and tell you exactly what you need. Otherwise, go to the grocery store and discreetly open the bottle and rub some on your wrist.. if it matches then it’s close enough. That’s what a lot of women do since department stores are more expensive =P lolz.
OK, make sure you go on a Wednesday morning if at all possible. That is when there will be the least amount of people and therefore the most amount time for them to pay attention to you. Avoid going later in the day, the closer to closing time the worse because they’ll be scrambling to make their daily sales quota and pressure you into buying things, so you’ll probably end up spending more than you need too. Make sure you tell them weather or not you’re really planning on buying today, they’ll like that a lot because there’s almost nothing worse than spending time and resources on someone only to find out they’re not serious, so it’ll be a nice thing to do to just take that little worry away from them, like a good deed. All right! That’s about all you need to know, good luck and have fun!
It all happened so suddenly. The man he had admired since attending the ninja academy, the one he thought he hated for so long. The one he had become practical brothers with... then nearly lost to the temptations of revenge and evil. The one he had chased for years, trying to save him from that inner temptation that almost led to bother their demise, was standing here in the shade of a blooming sakura tree. His open chested shirt showing the chiseled perfection like marble. No matter how much hate he had built up in his heart, the love of one boy shone through like a light in a forest of darkness.
"Naruto..." He said in a deep, sexy voice. "You have really inconvenienced me." This was just like him, putting his feelings as negatively as possible.
"Sasuke, is this really why you've returned?" Naruto asked. Sasuke had come back out of the blue, claiming he loved the blonde boy. However he was suspicious of the Uchiha, and rightfully so. After all, you don't just get everything you ever wanted and more right out of the blue, do you?
"I'm afraid so." He leaned against the tree, his jet black hair softly blowing in the wind. He started to have second thoughts about coming here. He didn't say anything else, just looked in some random spot in the distance.
Naruto blushed, Sasuke had just given him a love confession. Having never been in this situation before, he didn't quite know how to respond. The thing he could think of was another love confession... but how do you go about doing that? Sasuke was acting like this was no big deal. But it was, it was a very big deal indeed. The blonde found himself feeling angry now, how could someone play with another person's feelings like this? It wasn't fair! "I'm not just some robot you can do whatever you want with ya know!"
Sasuke looked up at him, surprised at the sudden seriousness of Naruto's tone. "What do you mean?" He asked, finding himself hoping he hadn't hurt the boy in some way... then feeling almost disgusted with himself for hoping such a pointless thing. But was it pointless...? The old Sasuke would have said yes, but things were different now... he no longer could ignore the throbbing in his heart.
"You think you can come here, confess your love then just stand there like it's no big deal!??" Naruto said angrily. "How can you just play with someone's emotions like that??" He felt himself start to cry, but held back as hard as he could. He would NOT let Sasuke see him like that!
Sasuke looked at him a bit surprised for a second. Little outbursts like these were nothing unusual for Naruto, but this one actually made him feel an emotional disturbance. But how could he properly show him how he really felt? Sasuke had no experience in this department and didn't prethink about any sort of plan.. he was on his own here, having no honest to gawd clue what he was doing. "Naruto..." He couldn't think of anything to say, in fact he didn't even know if Naruto returned his feelings. "I, uh... I don't mean to be cold. I'm just not... experienced with this sort of thing." He looked down, feeling bad that he had hurt Naruto.
The blonde immediately felt bad for snapping at him like that. It wasn't his fault... he just didn't know the proper way to show someone you love them. He took a few steps forward, to which Sasuke looked up at, and stood barely a few inches from his face. "You were my first kiss, that time was an accident. But the second time doesn't have to be..." He leaned in and tilted his head slightly, gently pressing his lips against Sasuke's.
At first the Uchiha didn't know what to do. He stood there, at first motionless with shock... but after a few seconds he found himself relaxing, kissing him back. In his head, he thought 'what the hell am I doing!?' but his body moved on its own as he placed his hand on the back of Naruto's head, and other around his wast.
This was a post I made on help.com. Below are the post and the replies.
This is why I gave up graphic design… no, I didn’t give up on it, I ran the f-uck away from it! How could i live with myself knowing I actively contribute one of the most obnoxious poisons of our time?
You can’t even watch an internet video anymore without frequently being interrupted by some stupidass commercial. Is you tube REALLY that much in desperate need for money? Sometimes there’s even a little arrow on the bottom of the video reminding you of that ad you xed out of that WON’T FREAKING GO AWAY.
If everyone became emotionally healthy, the economy would collapse and never recover… being a consumer is a life of hunger that can never be satisfied. Nothing is good enough, nothing can satisfy the hunger of the modern consumer. That’s why they’re called “consumers”. And behind the faces of of those big evil companies making these commercials.. are poor souls who are honestly no different from the rest of us. They’re after your money so they can hand it over to other companies, so the people from those companies can hand over the money to another big company…
Oh how I wish I could see the day when people stop this vicious cycle of misery and greed. Virtually every religion and philosophy in existence warns about greed and has some law or rule stating you should stay away from it… greed is the root of virtually all the other 7 deadly sins (even if you’re not catholic, you have to agree those are best avoided).
Sadly… that day may never come.
"Ads have gotten crazy, but a lot of our television has got more expensive - and there are a lot more channels so this needs to be funded in some way. Its annoying but here in the UK we have the BBC which has no ad’s but you have to pay a TV licence. I’d rather have the ads. Also, how great is it we can watch things online now?
Some adverts can be good, my boyfriend works in advertising and there ARE some good ones - a lot of not good ones though."
"Me: Yeah, I don’t mind the commercials on TV too much, they keep it less expensive and now a days you can fast forward right through them. But online is it REALLY necessary to have to go through 2 or 3 adds on how to wash my none-existent balls and how I can save money on insurance for my none-existent car. Even if the add happens to be relevant to me like for shampoo that gets rid of frizzy hair, I don’t want any part of it!! Not to say some commercials aren’t fun anyway (super bowl) or good (foundation for a better life ones are usually cute). But there is a point where it’s just too much…"
This has got to be one of the most freaking adorable animes I've ever seen!! It's about the adventures of a little kitten named Chi. She is so adorable! However, she was named after pee, which I think is gross. This anime also confused the hell out of me when it comes to the Japanese language, but I suppose that'll never change!!
It started as a manga which I found at the book store. I was delighted to find an anime of it (I'd rather read, but watching is more convenient). However, all of them seem to have been mirrored, and weather the author wrote them left to right on purpose I don't know, but it doesn't really make sense if she did.
When I found out that the demographic for this anime is men age 20 - 40 I was shocked! Why on earth would men of that age want to watch the adorable adventures of a little kitten? However, from episode one something DID feel a little off about the whole thing... and I think that's what it is. Why would you waste something so appealing to girls of all ages on men who would probably much rather watch something else anyway? But... this IS the country that sells canned vaginas in vending machines so... who knows.
Adult men totally get off to this
Each Episode is only about 3 minuets long, which makes it really easy to watch though the starting can get a little annoying. And... other than that there isn't much else to say. I give it 5 out of 5 stars! It's adorable, fun to watch, but the demographic they aim it at makes it seem a little off. In any case, I loved it!
I've posted some stuff in other places recently that I think are really important. I'll probably read it again someone day and cringe, but for now it makes total sense.
This one is a comment I left for one of David's blog posts.
This almost made me want to cry… I was honking and actually following for a while someone on the road because they NEVER used their turn signal and it pissed me off monumentally. Turned out to be a couple of big dudes who looked like they could lift motorcycles, but what if there had been little kids in that car? Would they have noticed? What if it had scared them a lot?
I felt really bad and it didn’t help that my younger sister was in the car, watching all of this. Watching me take pleasure in harassing strangers in one of the most cowardly ways possible.
This is something that was on some help post. Turns out I misunderstood the girl mostly but I sure got my feelings across! lolz.
Poster: I could go into a trade right now if I wanted too. But unfortunatley, I do not have the thick skin that a trade requires. I have been working blue collar for awhile and I honestly can’t handle it. It not only destroys my body, but my mental health. The stress is so overwhelming, and the sense of failure I feel doing it. The sense of “I’m smarter than this”. . .
I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have to choose between being miserable and in pain for the rest of my life, or being thousands and thousands of dollars in debt, and almost being in my late 30’s by the time I can actually stop loosing my mind.[/quote]
Now hold on I almost take offense to that… Thick skin that a trade requires? Maybe the blue caller stuff is hard, but I’m going into Cisco Networking. My daddy did the same thing (only he learned it in the military) and now he makes over 81 grand a year. He never went to college. Does he sound like a failure to you? Besides, who the hell ever said you have to go to college to be happy? Where is it written? Actually, some studies show college kids are more miserable than those who didn’t go. A lot of people don’t pay off their college debt until they’re 30, so by trying to avoid debt you may actually be charging right into it. Does going to college even guarantee you’ll get a high paying job? Absolutely not. Several of my coworkers at Wal-mart make just as much as a teenager who never even went to high school went to college.
You think bringing a pay check to a large, luxurious home will make you happy? Did you know that in Haiti, the poor earth quake stricken country’s suicide rate is approximately 0%? And here we are in places like America offing ourselves one by one. What does that tell you? Another thing… Nigeria came out as one of the top countries for over all happiness while America sports 16th…
Here’s one more fun fact: The idea that happiness is something you can pursue and obtain is extremely new. In ancient Greece, they thought happiness was something you had when the gods were kind enough to give it to you. They never even thought it was something they could do for themselves. OK, here’s a ton more fun facts: Some languages don’t even have a word for ‘happiness’.
“Happiness” is not something you can ‘obtain’ or ‘pursue’. Especially by going to college or living up to the typical American standard. I could live in a big mansion or a little cottage my amount of good days and bad days will not change. I could bring home 5 million dollars or %500 and my amount of good and bad days will not change and neither will anyone else’s.
Something else good to know: If you think about it, it becomes clear that if America became emotionally healthy and didn’t feel like they needed to race around like rats and buy buy buy, big houses and cars and expensive educations the economy would collapse and NEVER recover. This need has been put into us by companies so you will buy their stuff, and they can then have money to buy the stuff they’ve been brainwashed into thinking they need. It’s a vicious cycle.
So go ahead, climb the cooperate latter and become like the rest of the greedy miserable rats. I’m going to live my pathetic simple life as a poor soul who could only manage to learn a trade! I’ll be so sad with my smaller pay check… looking up at the light of “happiness” shining from you and wishing I would have only sacrificed my health, time spent with important people, and life entirely on the never ending chase for mone- I mean, “Happiness”!!
So… if “happiness” is not something you can really pursue and obtain… then.. what is it..?
It’s attitude.
Put two people in the exact situation. Exactly pay check and life quality, weather that’s a mansion life style or a little apartment type deal. Give one a good attitude, and one a bad. Those with the good attitude will be very happy, no matter which general life you give them. The ones with the bad attitude however… will not.
Weather you graduated from Harvard or Job Corps is irrelevant.
Weather you make a million dollars a year or minimum wage is irrelevant (though if you have a family you may need more than minimum to eat, that is something you want to be able to spend money on, but that is beside the point)
Weather you live in a standard home or an apartment is irrelevant.
All of that means absolutely nothing. No matter where you are in life, the quality of it will depend %100 on attitude.
If there is something you love doing that college can help you achieve, go for it. Otherwise, if it’s all about money, you’ll just make yourself miserable. Going through all of that stress and debt… when you could have made good money with free education with Job Corps (people who graduate from there make good size pay checks, honestly). So here’s one of the most important pieces of advice I have ever gotten:
Don’t go to college for money, go for love.
College doesn’t guarantee you anything, so why go through the trouble unless it’s for something you really care about? (Which should not be money).
Sorry for going off on a rant, but the [quote]the sense of failure I feel doing it. The sense of “I’m smarter than this”. . .[/quote]
ting kind of set me off. Also, there is A LOT more than just blue caller junk in the trades. I certainly couldn’t do any of that either!
Also, here’s where the attitude thing comes in again.
You were treated differently? so was I. I never went to school, at all, not even once. I was behind in everything especially social skills. It doesn’t help that I have a baby face… they treated me like I was some little girl who wanted to hang out with the “big kids”. Do you know how self esteem destroying that is? Especially being OLDER than most of them? Of course I don’t understand your latest.. phrase or craze I don’t go to public school it doesn’t mean you have to treat me like a 10 year old!
It bothered me for years. I did everything to prove myself and boy gally I did. They’ve not afraid to share dirty jokes with me anymore! I’m no longer the ‘cute little one’ they felt protective of.
You and I are not that different… we were treated different and that made us determined to prove ourselves to those who did this to us. Well, I’ve been there, and where am I now? Wishing I hadn’t bothered. I put myself through a lot of stress and misery all so I could say “I told you so”. It really isn’t worth it, I wish I had had a better attitude about the whole thing. Because honestly who the hell cares what they think?
You don’t have ANYTHING to prove to ANYBODY. They can go f*** themselves, you just do what you want. What do you want from life? Do you want to be a doctor? Go for college! Do you want to be a simple house wife and raise a family? Go for a nice cushy trade you can stop and go at anytime! Why should you spend all of your valuable time as a young person stressing out and paying off thousands of college dollars just to say “I told you so” to a bunch of people? Even if it’s your own mother.
I will not waste my time trying to make everyone around me happy or even trying to prove anything to anybody. This is the good kind of selfishness, baby.
I’m 19, everyone around me even my little brother has gone off the college. I know for a fact that when they talk about me, they say similar things people have probably said to you. But mostly that I’m lazy, unmotivated, trying to find the easy way out. They can all sit on an icepick, I don’t care I don’t I don’t caaaaaare ba dum ba dum!
If ever there was an anime that truly captures the Japanese spirit... this is it. My Bride is a Mermaid is so ridiculous that ONLY Japan could have thought it up. It's about a high school freshmen who has to marry a mermaid because she saved him. However the boy got his first kiss from an (apparently) attractive man named Massa so he gets all dreamy whenever the grown man is in the room. In one episode, Nagasumi (the boy) turns into a naked giant and gets rocked to the moon until Sun (the mermaid) throws a magical spear all the way from earth that pierces his head and he deflates back to earth like a balloon.
That is only a small example is this anime's ridiculousness. It's complete with extremely unsubtle lesbian innuendo, cross dressing, and TONS of chibi faces from even the most serious of characters.
In short, I loved it. You have to be a true otaku to enjoy something like this! Most Americans would view it as stupid and even a little disturbing (see above snapshot of the anime) but I on the other hand and I'm sure many an otaku find this awesome and hilarious. Gotta love Japan!
However, I have seen better. Maybe it's just differing taste in humor so I give this 4 out of 5 stars!
Ideally, all it stands for is the right for women to be treated equally to men. However, it seems as though women are on the road of assuming a position above men, much like how places such as fire departments and police stations accept applicants based on staff diversity rather than competence (less qualified black people are being favored over more qualified white people (not that there are not perfectly qualified people of all races))
I feel that the same is happening with feminism.
So I am not a feminist, I am a what I can only think to call a “genderist”. Not favoring women, just wanting each gender to respect one another.
Think about it: on an episode of 16 and Pregnant one of the girls was violent toward her boyfriend. MTV did a little “domestic violence isn’t cool” thing with it, but if it had been flipped that guy would have gotten his as$ sent to jail. But since it was merely a man being abused, there was no need to press charges.
And don’t think it’s because women are physically weaker, some girls can kick as$. Even so, it shouldn’t matter. Despite the ability to harm, the intention is the same.
I haven't blogged in a while, so naturally there is a lot that has changed. But I don't want to go through and write a post about each thing, so here is some little blurbs about the happenings in the inbetween:
Carts aren't that big a deal anymore. But now that I don't have a problem, they want to move me to apparel. Apparently the 6 month waiting period between positions doesn't matter anymore like it did 3 months ago when they were threatening to fire me. Because, that's how fucking good my folding skills are or some such shit.
Kajimaru is gone... I had him when I clocked out, then I didn't have him. Some bitch or bastard probably has their filthy, slimy disgusting paws on him. Deleting his music and changing his name.... oh Kajimaru, I miss you. Luckily Matt had an old one he wasn't using.
Job Corps is turning out to be poorly managed. http://jobcorpsfraud.wordpress.com/ So I'm thinking of going to freaking Alaska, thinking it might be safer since I imagine there would be less "ghetto" there.
Joni left. Transferred to a Phoenix store. I hope she's doing all right, working isn't as much fun without her.
Things between Tayler and I aren't any better. She and Brian became friends, and her wild imagination led her to be a bitch to him, surprise surprise, so I chewed her out then left without responding much. Seriously Tayler, think things through before you go being a bitch to people. She was like "he hurt me!!! whaaaa!!!" My brother didn't do A THING to her and she treated him badly for it. That's what pissed me off and made it my business. But I won't say much with Brian. Now if she does the same to Samantha, I'm going to murder her.
There is no action you can take, no goal you can achieve, no possession you can own, no person you can marry, no career you can have, no amount of goodness you can do that will bring you the modern idea of "happiness".
The amount of good days and bad days will differ very little between the rich man and the poor man.
There is no finish line, it is physically impossible to obtain this kind of happiness our culture says you’re suppose to have anyway.
This is why we must adopt a good attitude, toward everyone and everything.
We must detach ourselves from possessions, and not put the responsibility of our own "happiness" on someone else’s shoulders, they can't give it to you anymore than you can give it to yourself.
Don’t worry about collecting so much money, it really isn’t that important.
Even your children can live without cable, the latest gadgets, and a huge house. All you need to afford are the basics, working to earn to much more than that is time that could have been spent with family. And the extra money you do earn, should be spent on experiences, not things.
Why can’t ipods just use Windows Media Player? I am once again having problems with itunes. It won’t import CDs. In all my years using Windows Media I never once had an issue. But ever since getting this ipod for Christmas well, this is my third post. I should have just returned the thing and gotten an mp3 player that isn’t so screwed up. I wouldn’t have thought it was Apple itself but ever since seeing all the other posts complaining about Apple technology and using Macs in a class… APPLE NEEDS TO BE SHUT DOWN. All I ever hear is problems, or this product sucks. I hear a lot of people all enthusiastic and I’m like you poor b*******. You haven’t been using Apple very long, have you? I’m a PC, and I didn’t have anything to do with Windows 7 but I’m betting you even Vista which I’ve never heard good things about works 100x better than any of the crap Apple tries to spew out of its disgusting hole of a company.
Growing up, I wasn't allowed to attend school. My adopted mother decided that, without any prior experience or training, she wanted to try home schooling. Well, the first 10 years we squeaked by but after we moved when I was about 12 she let it pretty much fall by the way side. Instead putting me in once a week home schooler programs usually sponsored by churches invented so home schoolers could meet other kids. Well, taking bible study, science, Shakespeare, and gym once a week doesn't quite earn you a diploma.
Now I'm working as a cart pusher at Walmart and one motivation for wanting to pursue a career path is seeing the employees with the '10, 15, and 20 years of service' badges. 20 years as a cashier? With no education or money that's what will happen to me. This is why I feel I'm ready to enroll in Job Corps. I want to earn my diploma and work with computers. I've been on computers since I was knee high, and have always been fascinated by what's inside them and how they work. Which is why Computer Repair and Business Technology sound perfect, I could have my own repair shop!
Since I wasn't busy with school, I spent a lot of time volunteering at the church. It taught me team work and discipline. That, and my job has helped build a good work ethic.
I watched a lot of TV as a kid. I was homeschooled, so I had a lot of free time. But it wasn't all cartoons and sesame street. I watched a lot of Animal Planet. And one person caught my attention more than both Jeff Corwin and The Planet's Funniest Animals combined. He helped make me who I am today. He not only taught me facts about animals, but respect for them. And how to respect them. He taught me passion, something not everyone has. I couldn't do what he did, nor would I want to. I have slightly different dreams, but I can apply what I learned to what I want to do. Instead of looking for animals and studying them, I want to look for extinct animals and study them!
Even when he wasn't talking about animals, he was enthusiastic and passionate. These occasions were rare, but in one episode he was talking about a jet. I'm not really interested in jets, but I was while he talked about it. He got me deeply interested in something I didn't care about at all. And I think that's pretty amazing. I wish teachers could be more like him. Heck, I think we can all learn something from watching those old reruns.
He wasn't perfect, of course. One thing he did I couldn't yet could believe he would. Of course the media was all over it and a lot of people didn't like him after word. Even I kinda back up at it, and I wish it hadn't happened.
Even so, I still wanted to meet him more than anything. I dreamed about it and was determined to do it. He taught me so many important things, and his skills with animals was impressive and I knew I'd get to see a lot of cool ones. Knowing that'll never happen absolutely breaks my heart. He wasn't in it for the money, or tthe fame, or whatever. He was just a guy doing what he loved. Even though his life was cut short, he did more than most people would in 4 lifetimes.
After everything he did for the world, saved animal's lives and people's by collecting snake venom, spreading awareness and educating about animals and their situations, instilling passion and respect into kids like me..
Mom - Thanks for not allowing me to get an education, social skills, have a life, or go to college like everyone else my age. I hope you're happy I was treated differently. Yes at church, where the hell else.
June - I don't care how much you hate your job or your life, there is no reason to be a freaking bitch to the people you're in charge of. And yes, I do have to check your receipt. Next time you buy something and use that 'you should already know this you fucking moron' voice to tell me "no, you don't!" I'll tell you "that's not what Rose said." I asked, again.
Tayler - I don't care what we were fighting about anymore, I just can't get around the fact you don't give a rat's ass about our friendship. "My loss" indeed.
Marcel - Rot in Hell
Obama - Africa, Hawaii, I don't care. Just go back there and leave poor America alone. It's in enough trouble already, thank you.
Leftists, at least most of the ones I've talked to - Please quit trying to cover the fact that you absolutely have no fucking clue what the hell you're talking about by accusing every independent (who happens to not agree with the president) and right-winger of being recast. I'm not trying to say I'm any better at politics than you are, but I think I've got this thing called 'common sense' down.
Matt's dad - I don't know why you're so much more concerned with establishing the pecking order every chance you get, even though it has probably been apparent for years now, more than your own son, just please don't make my hunny hide away in his room all the time. (btw repeating the same old lectures again, again and again doesn't help anything. Relax, he heard you the first 12-hundred times)
I live with my adopted parents. Being 3 days old at the time, I obviously didn't pick that part. But the house we're in is completely because of me. As a little girl I loved horses. There happened to be a stable in the middle of the city I could ride in. Mom became so attached to one of the horses that when the owner sold the property to some housing company, she just had to have him. So we moved almost an hour away and this was my dream.
Well, I got older, my interests changed. Decided going out in horrible blizzards to feed was not worth any animal and thanks to a combination of that and getting bucked off earlier mentioned horse who I thought I could trust, stopped riding. I hated how all my friends got to go to public school and live close to each other. I was out here, on my own with homeschooling, watching that animal that ruined what could have been an active teen life get fatter and fatter in the back yard.
Of course leaving a 14 year old on their own with school is a terrible idea, because they'll be extremely lazy and probably just skip it all together. Then you send them to a trade school where they do really well because not wanting to fall behind the class is actually great motivation. You begged and begged to go to school like everyone else but noooooo, she wants to try 'homeschooling'. Her other 2 kids went to public school now she wants to try something new.
All your friends went off to college and you're stuck at home working as a walmart cart pusher.
I'm 19, in parents basement, dreaming of all the lost time of just being a teen. All my friends went out and always had tons of pictures of events and whatever on facebook and graduation parties. Meanwhile, you were at home. Not hearing the latest dirty jokes. Then when you don't get those dirty jokes and happen to have a baby face and look 12 at 16 (not joking) when you get to see them they treat you differently. If one of the others didn't get it, one would whisper it to him and they would laugh. I didn't get, "Oh don't worry about it!" They'd say giggling.
I was treated different because I was homeschooled. They acted like I was someone's kid sister wanting to play with the big kids. They would spontaneously make plans in front of me and if someone wanted to join in they'd just say "cool!" but if I wanted to "OK, ask your mom." I told them it was fine, it always was. But they never listened to me.
Anyway, that part is over now. Only one 'friend ever still treats me like that. She's not dumb (meaning she can talk, not that she's stupid either though), but even though her ears work fine she's quit deaf. She'd just be talking about something, I would warn her, she wouldn't listen, a long time later the exact thing I said would happen, she didn't remember me ever saying anything and no I don't believe she was just saying that. I asked her for advice, like I did everyone (even my own sister who is 5 years younger than me) didn't mean to create a huge ego boost.
Now, I have a boyfriend who is more emotionally dependent on me than I can give him and it hurts because I know I'll end up really hurting him because I just cannot serve the depths of his emotional needs. I tried, I found myself resenting him and dreading looking at my cell phone and avoiding facebook. Maybe I'm being selfish? Maybe this makes person sense? I don't know that either.
No education, part time crap job, parents basement completely relating to that procrastination post still haven't gotten around to joining in on that experiment. My friends are in college and my younger friends are all having graduation parties. I have a feeling I'll never get either. No matter what I do, I'll either end up pushing carts or being a house wife. Not that there's anything wrong with being a house wife, there just is if you're me and wanted so much more.
This is the answer I did give him, it belongs here too.
I'm a 19 year old girl? Women? Who rates at about a 4 at best sitting in parents walk out basement with a part time job as a cart pusher while my friends all have graduation parties and finish their first year of college. My extreme phobia of moths might force me to quit that crap job so I'll be an even bigger loser. Still haven't gotten around to joining in on that procrastination experiment.
This may start out with very few ideas, but soon I'll have a device I saw for myself once that can make it so you only need to put gas in the car once a month as oppose to four:
Ladies, never buy another tampon or pad again, at least until you can afford to! Think about using a Menstrual Cup
This one's pretty obvious... take advantage of the free wifi you can find around town instead of paying an internet bill.
Bike to work, even if it takes an hour and there are hills. If you argue that you're super tired after work, well that's the best time to work out anyway so think of all the muscle you'll gain.
Don't wanna live off microwave ramin? Grow your own food! Lots of vegetables can grow in pots, and eating green peppers alone isn't as bad as the same old probably-nutritionally-void noodles. Also food at Walmart where I work is pretty cheap. Banana's are about 50 cents. Someone returned a single banana, got about 7 cents back lolz.
Heart racing, breathing fast, unable to sit still for very long...
I have to go into work tomorrow at 7 am and I just know that if I don't relax then I literally will not sleep. With my luck, June will be there. Joni said she was, and I quote, "a really nice lady" but I couldn't disagree more. I'm sure she's a perfectly fine person, but as a boss not so much. The tone of 'you should already know this you fucking moron' in her voice is a little put-offish. And I don't know if she just doesn't like her butt or what but she power walks EVERYWHERE even if she's on her day off and it's a little scary. Joni said "well, she's very busy" but none of the other css's have to do that all the time. She's just really intimidating. Once, I sent a customer after her because she knows just about everything about Walmart (or at least she thinks she does) and the customer just didn't have the power walking experience so couldn't keep up. So, despite my better judgment I said "June, you have a customer after you" and she whipping around as if I had said "June, your daughter is bleeding to death on the ground behind you." I've met her daughter, and let me tell you I thought I had a baby face. She looks like she's in high school but she's in her 20s apparently. Maybe I do have that bad a baby face because everyone thinks I'm 15. She seems nice though.
Mom asked what Matt and I were doing in my room with the door closed when she got home tonight. Of course, we were doing what you'd think two nineteen year olds would be doing, but it's started the freak out tonight. The other part is having to get up so early and I haven't been the greatest on my sleeping. Oh well, I'm sure with a little coffee, a bit of will power but probably mostly fear of June, I'll get through people greeting without being horrible at it (e.i. by sitting down).
While we're on Walmart gossip, I might as well tell myself about the rest of it. I've heard that sometimes work places just have HORRIBLE people. When Tayler was working as a life guard at some amusement park, she described the most obnoxious bunch of.. just mean people ever and I felt for her for having to go and put up with that all summer. But at my workplace most everyone is really nice. All the managers are well liked by everyone. The only one who isn't is Kevin, the guy who owns the entire store because of... well, my only reason that he's my least favorite is because he doesn't like employees to use carts on the job if they need to (I do for returns) which is just plane silly. Trust me Kevin, the customers are WAY to absorbed in their own little world to notice what us navy and kacky drones are up to. In fact, when I'm just shopping at a store, I don't even see any employees unless I'm looking for one. While I'm working, I see them around the store more than customers sometimes. Otherwise, it's like they're not even there, seriously. I'm to wrapped up in my shopping and whatever to care about the poor suckers on their 9 to 5.
AS much as I love to gossip about my bosses and co-workers, I do feel the urge to, random as it may be, type this:
1...
2...
3...
4... o'clock
5...
6...
6..15 awake, or did I even sleep at all...
Is this really what's bothering me? Was it the fact that mom walked in the house when Matt and I were gettin' it on and asked about it right before she went to bed then I said "oh, we were just hangin' out" and if I'm asked why the door was closed, I'll say force of habit which I know will work, but still. What's bothering me about it? Is it the fact that we were SO CLOSE to getting busted? Is it deep feelings of fear of getting pregnant at this most embarrassing time in life to do so? Am I afraid of then knowing I'm sexually active? Why is that scary? Maybe them finding out in a certain way is what's scary. Or... I don't know. David said something about only being afraid of a feeling, and I think that applies here. I'm afraid of feeling tired so I freak out and make that very thing happen. It's SO STUPID. The only thing creating the problem is fear of the problem. That's it. Nothing else ever keeps me awake at night like this. It's only when I know I have to get up in the morning. What if I don't sleep and end up suffering all day? Well, I WOULD sleep if there was no fear of not sleeping. If I wasn't afraid of it, it wouldn't happen. Only the fear makes it happen. Fear is the only reason it comes true. That may sound ridiculous but I'm not saying it applies to everything, just this problem. I've tried baths, soothing music, hot vanilla, no caffeine near bed, medication, and meditation. And all those things help, but I think the only way to defuse this problem once and for all is to get on a freaking sleep schedule already. I want to be up in the day but I've been nocturnal and even proud to say I was nocturnal for years. And when it comes to making a change for the better in my life it never lasts. Always slipping away with a mixture of the deep physiological issues that cause procrastination, and just plain laziness. I did manage to stop biting my nails and start washing my hands after I use the restroom (I know but I was never taught, and mom STILL doesn't do it!!)
I'm wondering if it's the fact mom said something about us today or if that just got the ball rolling for this actual fear of not sleeping and suffering the next day. I just tried to write about the math. The number of hours I'll be awake if I don't sleep. It ended up terrifying me. I erased it, hoping at least not having a visual will help. I don't think I have a lot to worry about though. I've been doing pretty OK with sleeping (mostly thanks to having to work when I would normally not help but have to take a nap at home) and I'm only a people greeter so it's not like I'll be doing the physical labor of cart pushing. And it'll help tremendously with my sleeping schedule anyway. There are so many good things, and they really do out weight the bad. Like, being tired the next day isn't as bad as help getting a normal schedule is good. Because that's just a few hours, this is probably most of the rest of my life. It's actually quite a small price. Also, it's weird. Whenever I don't want to sleep (like take a nap in the middle of the day or for whatever reason not go to bed quite this early) it is SO HARD to stay awake, even if I've not been up for 16 hours yet. Sometimes if I've only been up 10, or less! Which is ridiculous.
So sleeping is, above all, mental. If you're mentally sick enough, you could probably not sleep until it killed you. And if you have an inhuman amount of mental control, you could fall asleep at will. It's all in your mind.. sleeping is all in the mind.. it's all about the mind, and it's specifically for the mind. The rest of your body, I imagine, benefits from more than anything the lack of use. But the mind... I don't know. The conscious and subconscious are really bad at communication and may not even talk at all. It's up to the conscious to show the subconscious what to do like you would train an animal. This is part of that training. My subconscious is a wild animal that I must put a tight leash around, less it reek havoc and bring misery everywhere it goes.
For some reason I'm really into these favorite posts!! Here is a random amount of some random things I find are better than the other things like them.
These are all of my current favorite videos. Except for the ones by nigihia because that would be just way to many videos! So instead here's a link to his channel. but now, without further ado, the best videos ever!
Everyday I get more and more behind David. He says that procrastination comes from an extreme fear of failure. The thing is... he says that he has trouble even making a phone call. I do too. But how can anyone fail that? How can anyone fail at sending an email if they make an attempt? Perhaps there is a bit of laziness in the mix... I am relived to find out that, a lot of it isn't that I'm lazy. For years and years I thought I was. But it turns out some of it is deep physiological issues that sounds easier to work around than laziness. I just don't get how you can be afraid to fail at things like laundry and making a phone call.. easy stuff like that. Maybe it is a touch of laziess. Or maybe there's more to it than we think... or I missed something while reading lolz.
Apparently, life in a never ending journey of growth. Which by itself sounds profound and magical. But to me it sounds more like perpetual suffering. You know the reasons money can't buy happiness, right? Because no matter how much you get, or how much you buy you're just going to want more? Well... isn't a never ending growth trip the same kinda thing? No matter how much better you get, the satisfaction gives way to something else you want to do.
Maybe, instead of selfishly pursuing our own goals of careers and sports stuff and education degrees, you should do something worth while. Something relevant to the world. College is a rip off unless you're going for law or medical doctor or something. No one in the entire world got fired for a less than perfect GPA. After school it's completely irrelevant.
Go to a soup kitchen, help save pandas, foster homeless children do something you can look back on and actually feel good about doing!
Sure you climbed for up the career ladder and have a big house... what the fuck is that suppose to mean? Look at me, I'm good at getting things for myself? Wonderful, no one cares!
Instead of wasting your time on stress and status, try thinking of ways you improve the world around you. What can you do right now to help someone somehow?
People waste all their time on pointless college degrees and career building and money making and fancy house and car getting when they could be doing something that is actually relevant to not only other people's lives but their own.
Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.
Month Two
Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I’m not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.
Month Three
You know what Mommy, I’m a girl! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don’t like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can’t hear me.
Month Four
Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes, and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.
Month Five
You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I’m not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what’s abortion?
Month Six
I can hear that doctor again. I don’t like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can’t get away from it! Mommy! Help me!
Month Seven
Mommy, I am okay. I am in Jesus’s arms. he is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn’t you want me Mommy?
After closing off weekend availability (which won't take affect for 3 weeks, so I'll probably lose the job anyway) I had to call in sick this Saturday and so with all that's happened it looks fake. I'm hoping to gawd I can go in tomorrow, even though I'll probably get fired anyway.
Good:
This job is only part time anyway and I really want a full time job. Sure there are great people at this Walmart but I'm sure you find that in a lot of places.
Good:
There is another job that I will probably get that sounds like it's going to be full time! Gigi's doing so well with her dog grooming business she's opening another shop. And well, little shops have to have someone at the counter making appointments and such!
Bad:
I'm highly allergic to dogs and just going to the vets office or a pet smart can trigger my nose to run and my eyes to itch. So even if I get a full time job working for someone I actually know, she still might not like me wearing a breathing mask to work if medication or sheer tolerance fails!
Good:
I thought of something meaningful and special to get my boyfriend for his birthday!
Bad:
...he was disappointed.
Good:
I can't think of anything else except I'm really sick and my nose will be raw or sore from the constant tissues I'm using. Oh wait.. that's bad. My bad.
Right now I don't feel good. I think I'm going to have to go home because of being sick. I'm glad I'm not going into work until 6 pm tomorrow.
But it was suppose to be Matthew's special romantic birthday dinner and, not only were mom and daddy in the next room being noisy, but I was (and still am) sick and I didn't do most of the cooking, mom did (because I feel like crap). I knew I shouldn't have told him I had something special for him because it ended up just being egg drop soup and I could tell how disappointed he was. "So I get my present at the end of the meal?" "Um.. this is your present.." "Oh". Heh yeah... I meant for him to take the left overs but oh well, not everyone will like every present you give them! At least he didn't out right say it to my face like Chris did that one time! "Yeah, I don't like the 30 dollar game you gave me" It was years ago but it still hurt! Oh well. He said it was best to just tell someone if you didn't like their gift but man, he couldn't be more wrong! Anyway, I'll try again next year and hopefully we can be alone and I won't be sick and have something worth while to give him. Egg drop soup seemed perfect but I guess not. It ended up being to strong anyway.
I'm a dreamer. I dream and dream all day and night. I'm working on becoming a doer as well. I just found out that I have deep physiological issues stopping me from becoming a doer. But until then, here are the dreams I have for my future.
House
I want to live in the country, but not miles and miles from civilization, or red neck or hill billy county. Just a place, maybe not to far from a small town or a little under an hour away from a regular town with a mall and all that. I don't want a huge house, or a tiny house. A normal house with good, honest regular people in the area sounds perfect. I'm don't necessarily want a farm, to much work. Or a very huge property. But maybe my neighbors could :)
I would like a garden
I have a book from the library about growing your own vegetables, fruits and herbs (I'll grow some flowers too ^_^). I've been wanting a garden for years but once again those deep, physiological issues stopped me from doing anything. The only part I know I would hate about having a garden is weeding. I plan to use every trick and cheat available. Deep issues or not, that part will suck, however more rewarding the garden is because of it. But anyway, saving money and maybe making a little (there is a farmers market in that little town I talked about previously in this post) by growing some of my own food would be awesome! And apparently it gives the gardener a deep sense of satisfaction, which is always a nice thing to have.
Pets
I already talked about my pets, but I'll expand a little...
Now that I have a couple archers in my dream life, there will be a lot of room for my dream dog! Matt agreed to having a Standard Poodle instead of a Labradoodle, so now it's even less of a dream than before even though I would have gotten one regardless probably! I also want that snake, I know I want at least one horse. Oh, and probably some chickens just for the next thing I'm going to talk about...
I've already sold several copies. When I get Adobe Illustrator (and I actually am soon!) I can make many more things like this and even do it with peoples own pictures. I can work on this while I run my fruit and vegetable stand. Yep, my fruit and vegetable stand. I can also sell home made jam, pony rides, hot dogs and my art work. It'll be the weirdest stand on the road :D I know the horse/pony will cost more than it will make on pony rides, but while the kids are on the pony the adults will be looking at the merchandise. (Matthew will be making the rest of the income :)
The above idea is only if this doesn't work out, or until this.
What's better than owning your own road side business? Going to college for 7 years and traveling around the world or sitting in a laboratory dealing with dinosaur bones! Yep, I want to be a paleontologist. This also conflicts with my other desires... you can't really be a paleontologist and live where ever you want. You need to live where you can have a job. And they don't build laboratories and museums in small country towns. This is where my dreams conflict. Sure I can still have my poodle and a small garden, but I don't really want to live in the city... I'm going to help.com about this. But later, at a better time to post (It's 1 am right now).
So this is where my dreams don't quite add up. I'm scared that I won't be able to find work in this field I have so much passion for because of the economy and it's not in high demand blah blah blah. So I'm scared I'll waste money getting degrees I can't use for much of anything and not find a job and not live in that little town. So I'll waste years I could have had my road stand and country house. But then if I just go straight to that then I might miss out on my dinosaur dream...
