I think the only way all of this reading will be me any good is if You keep me aware. I have been reading the teachings of the Buddhist religion because they are extremely similar to the Bible and have some different methodologies that I think will benefit me. Anyway, I have been reading things like this for years now. Raptitude, Cracked, Mathew Kelly, along with other random things... however with all my time invested I can't tell that it's done me any good.
I think I can see now that the one component I was missing was You... even when the texts were catholic based. I forgot that all things are done through You, and so I am here now asking you to please help a stray sheep. I actually don't like the sheep thing, I'm going to go with zebra. All alone out there in the African wilds... no heard to blend in with. It knows how to survive, but it is still pray to every lion and predator who sees it. I have knowledge, at least I know I have some, yet it has not helped me.
This is why I see now how much I need You. I need You to keep me mindful of everything I do, of their consequences. However, there have been times where You did, and I blatantly ignored it. I knew Jesus I KNEW and yet I did it anyway. And the reason for that is a weak relationship with You... the more I try to just improve my life with all of this studying, the more things aren't going to change. You are the only way in which change can be brought about. That is why I am asking you to intervene, why I'm inviting You into my life. I will always be an angry lusty creature. Gluttonous and greedy. I am the seven deadly sins all rolled into one. That will never change, unless You change it.
I can't do it. No matter how much knowledge I acquire, it's just not happening, not without You. Through You all things are possible, as unbelievable as it is, even me over coming these things. I'm not sure if I want to achieve what the Buddhists call "nirvana", they don't get upset about things but they don't take joy in things either... kinda weird.
I, now, simply want to do whatever You tell me. I will not make another move unless You give me the green light. I trusted You about Country Jam, and You were right. But I digress...
Jesus, I have so much hatred and anger. I don't know how to get rid of it. I feel trapped by it. It's caused people to become angry and hateful toward me. I don't want to be like that. Help clear my head of the thoughts that harbor hatred... or whatever it is that needs to be done... I don't want to be a hateful person. I don't want to be a person who angrily demands anything from others. And I don't want to be arrogant and try to preach these things I am reading to those who do not want to listen. For all I know, I am dead wrong. If the writer is wrong, then I will be.
Help me to not jump on people arrogantly. Help me to stay humble.
I know You will answer these prayers and more. I have not a doubt in my head, and if I do, I know you will eradicate it along with everything else. I love You. Amen.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
Wow.
This is been FOR FUCKING EVER. But I am proud of myself for not giving up on a blog! I have started several and I'm so happy that I was able to come back to this one. There will probably be gaps. Especially while I'm still at job corps. I can't blog there =( Oh well. I'm not going to make this a long one. I am just happy that I am back and willing to blog agian =) I left in Oct so it's not like I was sitting around ignoring it for too long >.>
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Breast Feeding in Public
I made this post on help.com to get different view points and have a discussion.
Do you think shop owners should be allowed to outlaw it in their store/cafe if they’re afraid it’ll bother customers? Or if they’re so worried, should they have to provide a couch or chair in some place private for them?
What do you all think? :) Thanks!
I also put this up on Yahoo answers. Everyone pretty much agreed with me, but here are the links.
Yahoo
Help.com
Breast feeding in public?
I think it’s totally fine as long as you’re careful no one sees anything, by using a towel or a blanket or something. But some people just think it’s disgusting and is even outlawed in some places, which I think is ridiculous. I think the law should say ‘it’s fine, so long as you hide your titties’.Do you think shop owners should be allowed to outlaw it in their store/cafe if they’re afraid it’ll bother customers? Or if they’re so worried, should they have to provide a couch or chair in some place private for them?
What do you all think? :) Thanks!
I also put this up on Yahoo answers. Everyone pretty much agreed with me, but here are the links.
Yahoo
Help.com
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
More Important Blurbs
Some more help replies I'm proud of, lolz.
The first thing, about everyone leaning on you but you having no one… have you ever tried leaning on them? That’s what friends are for… and if they don’t let you lean on them than they’re not great friends. Every relationship must be win-win, or else you must drop the people from your life and never look back.
About your looks… attractive people have the same self-esteem problems that anyone does. Like money, attractiveness is relative and if you’re hotter than your friends, at that stage you start comparing yourself to people in the media, the ones that that have had the living guts Photoshopped out of them.
In other words, they’ve adjusted to the experience of being attractive the same as our high income earners have adjusted to having money; they just pick other flaws to worry about. Sure, if you used the magical artifact up there to become Angelina Jolie tomorrow, you’d notice the difference over how you’re treated now. But if you were born Angelina Jolie, you’d have no way of grasping it, the same as right now you don’t realize what it’s like to live life with some kind of horrible deformity.
You know how when the hot girl at the bar tells an unfunny joke, all the guys laugh anyway? Or when the office stud makes a mistake, the female boss laughs it off?
Attractive people live in a world where most feedback they get is bull. The compliments mean nothing–they’ve learned that’s just the sound people make when they walk by. That’s why studies show they tend to dismiss the genuine compliments they get in other areas (their work, personality, sense of humor, creativity) because it gets lumped in with the same counterfeit flattery they’ve been getting their whole lives.
I also know you want a boyfriend, but seriously don’t worry about it. You just have to understand that the goal of each desire is to bring happiness. So each time you find yourself wanting something… ask yourself if it will really make you happy, or just bring you pleasure. You must understand the difference between happiness and pleasure. Pleasure cannot be sustained beyond the activity or object, happiness can. It is also important to understand that “happiness” is something that can be pursued and obtained. Let me tell you, it is not. No matter what life situation you’re in (provided it’s not something extremely horrible like being chained in a kidnappers basement or starving to death Africa) the amount of good days and bad days you have will not change. Our brains are programmed to want more more more because that’s how we as animals in the wild survived. But we’re not in the wild anymore, we can not focus on thriving instead of just surviving. So no matter what goal you reach, it’ll never be enough.
So how, then, do we be over all happy? It relies %100 and I MEAN %100 on attitude. You feel badly about not having a boyfriend or not being white because that is how you CHOOSE to think of it. But if you realize that, if you be patent and know that a great man will come along one day, you’ll be content and not worry about it. You’ll know that your life would not improve in any way if you had white skin. In fact, you’d be laying in the sun all day trying to be tan. White is not hot, that’s why we have to work at being darker unlike some other lucky people (like Hispanics, for example) who are born that way.
Dose any of that make sense?
If you go to a department store, the women behind the counters will give you a make over and tell you exactly what you need. Otherwise, go to the grocery store and discreetly open the bottle and rub some on your wrist.. if it matches then it’s close enough. That’s what a lot of women do since department stores are more expensive =P lolz.
OK, make sure you go on a Wednesday morning if at all possible. That is when there will be the least amount of people and therefore the most amount time for them to pay attention to you. Avoid going later in the day, the closer to closing time the worse because they’ll be scrambling to make their daily sales quota and pressure you into buying things, so you’ll probably end up spending more than you need too. Make sure you tell them weather or not you’re really planning on buying today, they’ll like that a lot because there’s almost nothing worse than spending time and resources on someone only to find out they’re not serious, so it’ll be a nice thing to do to just take that little worry away from them, like a good deed. All right! That’s about all you need to know, good luck and have fun!
The first thing, about everyone leaning on you but you having no one… have you ever tried leaning on them? That’s what friends are for… and if they don’t let you lean on them than they’re not great friends. Every relationship must be win-win, or else you must drop the people from your life and never look back.
About your looks… attractive people have the same self-esteem problems that anyone does. Like money, attractiveness is relative and if you’re hotter than your friends, at that stage you start comparing yourself to people in the media, the ones that that have had the living guts Photoshopped out of them.
In other words, they’ve adjusted to the experience of being attractive the same as our high income earners have adjusted to having money; they just pick other flaws to worry about. Sure, if you used the magical artifact up there to become Angelina Jolie tomorrow, you’d notice the difference over how you’re treated now. But if you were born Angelina Jolie, you’d have no way of grasping it, the same as right now you don’t realize what it’s like to live life with some kind of horrible deformity.
You know how when the hot girl at the bar tells an unfunny joke, all the guys laugh anyway? Or when the office stud makes a mistake, the female boss laughs it off?
Attractive people live in a world where most feedback they get is bull. The compliments mean nothing–they’ve learned that’s just the sound people make when they walk by. That’s why studies show they tend to dismiss the genuine compliments they get in other areas (their work, personality, sense of humor, creativity) because it gets lumped in with the same counterfeit flattery they’ve been getting their whole lives.
I also know you want a boyfriend, but seriously don’t worry about it. You just have to understand that the goal of each desire is to bring happiness. So each time you find yourself wanting something… ask yourself if it will really make you happy, or just bring you pleasure. You must understand the difference between happiness and pleasure. Pleasure cannot be sustained beyond the activity or object, happiness can. It is also important to understand that “happiness” is something that can be pursued and obtained. Let me tell you, it is not. No matter what life situation you’re in (provided it’s not something extremely horrible like being chained in a kidnappers basement or starving to death Africa) the amount of good days and bad days you have will not change. Our brains are programmed to want more more more because that’s how we as animals in the wild survived. But we’re not in the wild anymore, we can not focus on thriving instead of just surviving. So no matter what goal you reach, it’ll never be enough.
So how, then, do we be over all happy? It relies %100 and I MEAN %100 on attitude. You feel badly about not having a boyfriend or not being white because that is how you CHOOSE to think of it. But if you realize that, if you be patent and know that a great man will come along one day, you’ll be content and not worry about it. You’ll know that your life would not improve in any way if you had white skin. In fact, you’d be laying in the sun all day trying to be tan. White is not hot, that’s why we have to work at being darker unlike some other lucky people (like Hispanics, for example) who are born that way.
Dose any of that make sense?
If you go to a department store, the women behind the counters will give you a make over and tell you exactly what you need. Otherwise, go to the grocery store and discreetly open the bottle and rub some on your wrist.. if it matches then it’s close enough. That’s what a lot of women do since department stores are more expensive =P lolz.
OK, make sure you go on a Wednesday morning if at all possible. That is when there will be the least amount of people and therefore the most amount time for them to pay attention to you. Avoid going later in the day, the closer to closing time the worse because they’ll be scrambling to make their daily sales quota and pressure you into buying things, so you’ll probably end up spending more than you need too. Make sure you tell them weather or not you’re really planning on buying today, they’ll like that a lot because there’s almost nothing worse than spending time and resources on someone only to find out they’re not serious, so it’ll be a nice thing to do to just take that little worry away from them, like a good deed. All right! That’s about all you need to know, good luck and have fun!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Uchiha x Blonde
Part 1
It all happened so suddenly. The man he had admired since attending the ninja academy, the one he thought he hated for so long. The one he had become practical brothers with... then nearly lost to the temptations of revenge and evil. The one he had chased for years, trying to save him from that inner temptation that almost led to bother their demise, was standing here in the shade of a blooming sakura tree. His open chested shirt showing the chiseled perfection like marble. No matter how much hate he had built up in his heart, the love of one boy shone through like a light in a forest of darkness.
"Naruto..." He said in a deep, sexy voice. "You have really inconvenienced me." This was just like him, putting his feelings as negatively as possible.
"Sasuke, is this really why you've returned?" Naruto asked. Sasuke had come back out of the blue, claiming he loved the blonde boy. However he was suspicious of the Uchiha, and rightfully so. After all, you don't just get everything you ever wanted and more right out of the blue, do you?
"I'm afraid so." He leaned against the tree, his jet black hair softly blowing in the wind. He started to have second thoughts about coming here. He didn't say anything else, just looked in some random spot in the distance.
Naruto blushed, Sasuke had just given him a love confession. Having never been in this situation before, he didn't quite know how to respond. The thing he could think of was another love confession... but how do you go about doing that? Sasuke was acting like this was no big deal. But it was, it was a very big deal indeed. The blonde found himself feeling angry now, how could someone play with another person's feelings like this? It wasn't fair! "I'm not just some robot you can do whatever you want with ya know!"
Sasuke looked up at him, surprised at the sudden seriousness of Naruto's tone. "What do you mean?" He asked, finding himself hoping he hadn't hurt the boy in some way... then feeling almost disgusted with himself for hoping such a pointless thing. But was it pointless...? The old Sasuke would have said yes, but things were different now... he no longer could ignore the throbbing in his heart.
"You think you can come here, confess your love then just stand there like it's no big deal!??" Naruto said angrily. "How can you just play with someone's emotions like that??" He felt himself start to cry, but held back as hard as he could. He would NOT let Sasuke see him like that!
Sasuke looked at him a bit surprised for a second. Little outbursts like these were nothing unusual for Naruto, but this one actually made him feel an emotional disturbance. But how could he properly show him how he really felt? Sasuke had no experience in this department and didn't prethink about any sort of plan.. he was on his own here, having no honest to gawd clue what he was doing. "Naruto..." He couldn't think of anything to say, in fact he didn't even know if Naruto returned his feelings. "I, uh... I don't mean to be cold. I'm just not... experienced with this sort of thing." He looked down, feeling bad that he had hurt Naruto.
The blonde immediately felt bad for snapping at him like that. It wasn't his fault... he just didn't know the proper way to show someone you love them. He took a few steps forward, to which Sasuke looked up at, and stood barely a few inches from his face. "You were my first kiss, that time was an accident. But the second time doesn't have to be..." He leaned in and tilted his head slightly, gently pressing his lips against Sasuke's.
At first the Uchiha didn't know what to do. He stood there, at first motionless with shock... but after a few seconds he found himself relaxing, kissing him back. In his head, he thought 'what the hell am I doing!?' but his body moved on its own as he placed his hand on the back of Naruto's head, and other around his wast.
"Naruto..." He said in a deep, sexy voice. "You have really inconvenienced me." This was just like him, putting his feelings as negatively as possible.
"Sasuke, is this really why you've returned?" Naruto asked. Sasuke had come back out of the blue, claiming he loved the blonde boy. However he was suspicious of the Uchiha, and rightfully so. After all, you don't just get everything you ever wanted and more right out of the blue, do you?
"I'm afraid so." He leaned against the tree, his jet black hair softly blowing in the wind. He started to have second thoughts about coming here. He didn't say anything else, just looked in some random spot in the distance.
Naruto blushed, Sasuke had just given him a love confession. Having never been in this situation before, he didn't quite know how to respond. The thing he could think of was another love confession... but how do you go about doing that? Sasuke was acting like this was no big deal. But it was, it was a very big deal indeed. The blonde found himself feeling angry now, how could someone play with another person's feelings like this? It wasn't fair! "I'm not just some robot you can do whatever you want with ya know!"
Sasuke looked up at him, surprised at the sudden seriousness of Naruto's tone. "What do you mean?" He asked, finding himself hoping he hadn't hurt the boy in some way... then feeling almost disgusted with himself for hoping such a pointless thing. But was it pointless...? The old Sasuke would have said yes, but things were different now... he no longer could ignore the throbbing in his heart.
"You think you can come here, confess your love then just stand there like it's no big deal!??" Naruto said angrily. "How can you just play with someone's emotions like that??" He felt himself start to cry, but held back as hard as he could. He would NOT let Sasuke see him like that!
Sasuke looked at him a bit surprised for a second. Little outbursts like these were nothing unusual for Naruto, but this one actually made him feel an emotional disturbance. But how could he properly show him how he really felt? Sasuke had no experience in this department and didn't prethink about any sort of plan.. he was on his own here, having no honest to gawd clue what he was doing. "Naruto..." He couldn't think of anything to say, in fact he didn't even know if Naruto returned his feelings. "I, uh... I don't mean to be cold. I'm just not... experienced with this sort of thing." He looked down, feeling bad that he had hurt Naruto.
The blonde immediately felt bad for snapping at him like that. It wasn't his fault... he just didn't know the proper way to show someone you love them. He took a few steps forward, to which Sasuke looked up at, and stood barely a few inches from his face. "You were my first kiss, that time was an accident. But the second time doesn't have to be..." He leaned in and tilted his head slightly, gently pressing his lips against Sasuke's.
At first the Uchiha didn't know what to do. He stood there, at first motionless with shock... but after a few seconds he found himself relaxing, kissing him back. In his head, he thought 'what the hell am I doing!?' but his body moved on its own as he placed his hand on the back of Naruto's head, and other around his wast.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
I am SO SICK of advertizements plaguing my life!
This was a post I made on help.com. Below are the post and the replies.
This is why I gave up graphic design… no, I didn’t give up on it, I ran the f-uck away from it! How could i live with myself knowing I actively contribute one of the most obnoxious poisons of our time?
You can’t even watch an internet video anymore without frequently being interrupted by some stupidass commercial. Is you tube REALLY that much in desperate need for money? Sometimes there’s even a little arrow on the bottom of the video reminding you of that ad you xed out of that WON’T FREAKING GO AWAY.
If everyone became emotionally healthy, the economy would collapse and never recover… being a consumer is a life of hunger that can never be satisfied. Nothing is good enough, nothing can satisfy the hunger of the modern consumer. That’s why they’re called “consumers”. And behind the faces of of those big evil companies making these commercials.. are poor souls who are honestly no different from the rest of us. They’re after your money so they can hand it over to other companies, so the people from those companies can hand over the money to another big company…
Oh how I wish I could see the day when people stop this vicious cycle of misery and greed. Virtually every religion and philosophy in existence warns about greed and has some law or rule stating you should stay away from it… greed is the root of virtually all the other 7 deadly sins (even if you’re not catholic, you have to agree those are best avoided).
Sadly… that day may never come.
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