Dear Jesus,

I think the only way all of this reading will be me any good is if You keep me aware. I have been reading the teachings of the Buddhist religion because they are extremely similar to the Bible and have some different methodologies that I think will benefit me. Anyway, I have been reading things like this for years now. Raptitude, Cracked, Mathew Kelly, along with other random things... however with all my time invested I can't tell that it's done me any good.

I think I can see now that the one component I was missing was You... even when the texts were catholic based. I forgot that all things are done through You, and so I am here now asking you to please help a stray sheep. I actually don't like the sheep thing, I'm going to go with zebra. All alone out there in the African wilds... no heard to blend in with. It knows how to survive, but it is still pray to every lion and predator who sees it. I have knowledge, at least I know I have some, yet it has not helped me.

This is why I see now how much I need You. I need You to keep me mindful of everything I do, of their consequences. However, there have been times where You did, and I blatantly ignored it. I knew Jesus I KNEW and yet I did it anyway. And the reason for that is a weak relationship with You... the more I try to just improve my life with all of this studying, the more things aren't going to change. You are the only way in which change can be brought about. That is why I am asking you to intervene, why I'm inviting You into my life. I will always be an angry lusty creature. Gluttonous and greedy. I am the seven deadly sins all rolled into one. That will never change, unless You change it.

I can't do it. No matter how much knowledge I acquire, it's just not happening, not without You. Through You all things are possible, as unbelievable as it is, even me over coming these things. I'm not sure if I want to achieve what the Buddhists call "nirvana", they don't get upset about things but they don't take joy in things either... kinda weird.

I, now, simply want to do whatever You tell me. I will not make another move unless You give me the green light. I trusted You about Country Jam, and You were right. But I digress...

Jesus, I have so much hatred and anger. I don't know how to get rid of it. I feel trapped by it. It's caused people to become angry and hateful toward me. I don't want to be like that. Help clear my head of the thoughts that harbor hatred... or whatever it is that needs to be done... I don't want to be a hateful person. I don't want to be a person who angrily demands anything from others. And I don't want to be arrogant and try to preach these things I am reading to those who do not want to listen. For all I know, I am dead wrong. If the writer is wrong, then I will be.

Help me to not jump on people arrogantly. Help me to stay humble.

I know You will answer these prayers and more. I have not a doubt in my head, and if I do, I know you will eradicate it along with everything else. I love You. Amen.