I am mortified.
I truly have treated it like a diary I no one will ever see. the problem with that is this place is public. I suppose I could turn it private, but there is something satisfying about just putting everything out there, you know? I know no one reads this... but I actually have had random people find this place and it feels better knowing that someone could read this. Wow, maybe I'm just very lonely. Most of my old friends are falling by the way side (probably to be expected at this stage in life) and I am finding that I even have trouble making friends in second life of all places. If I'm having trouble making friends online, there is wrong.
Anyway, I am off track.
I decided to check out some of my old posts and I am mortified by what I have found. Maybe I don't want to know my stages of change... it's embarrassing... I'm sure I'll find something embarrassing a year from this post now too. I used to worry about such stupid things. I read something about deep physiological problems preventing me from accomplishing anything... don't remember what that's all about, I thought I was just lazy. I've actually had to delete a few posts in case someone does actually come here!
I feel like I used to worry about such stupid things as I mentioned... I feel now like I have real problems and before I simply couldn't appreciate what I had. There is little doubt that another future me will look back on that future me and think the same thing, and so on. I'm pretty sure there is no end to it. People are always changing, I am no exception. So my ideas of right and wrong, important and unimportant, will never be the same.
Found you on Raptitude :]
ReplyDeleteI tend to do the same thing. I go through blogging in stages, and in a time when people are making money off of blogs, and we're surrounded by many gorgeous, inspiring blogs I sometimes find myself embarrassed by some of my posts. When my writing gets warmed up and better I dislike my old posts even more, almost to the point of deleting them. Privately, I like being able to see the change and growth in my writing and in myself as a person.
Things happen in life, maybe some problems are bigger than others but they're still struggles that elicited an emotional response so don't feel embarrassed about having more serious worries now. :]