My Current Favorite Songs

This might be fun to look back on someday. Here are my favorite songs in no particular order and with no particular amount.

Green Day - When I come around

Carolina Liar - Show me what I'm looking for

Death Cab for Cutie - Soul meets body

Semisonic - Closing time

 

no one in particular - In Christ alone

Bill Whithers - Aint no sunshine

Avril Lavigne - Anything but ordinary

The Beatles - Let it be

Del Amitri - Roll to me

Disturbed - Inside the fire

Evanescene - Wisper

Fall Out Boy - Head first slide into cooper town on a bad bet

Happy Mother's Day!

Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I’m not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy, I’m a girl! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don’t like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can’t hear me.

Month Four

Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes, and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I’m not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what’s abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again. I don’t like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can’t get away from it! Mommy! Help me!

Month Seven

Mommy, I am okay. I am in Jesus’s arms. he is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn’t you want me Mommy?

Life sucks right now... but I'll try to see good anyway.

Bad:

After closing off weekend availability (which won't take affect for 3 weeks, so I'll probably lose the job anyway) I had to call in sick this Saturday and  so with all that's happened it looks fake. I'm hoping to gawd I can go in tomorrow, even though I'll probably get fired anyway.

Good:

This job is only part time anyway and I really want a full time job. Sure there are great people at this Walmart but I'm sure you find that in a lot of places.

Good:

There is another job that I will probably get that sounds like it's going to be full time! Gigi's doing so well with her dog grooming business she's opening another shop. And well, little shops have to have someone at the counter making appointments and such!

Bad:

I'm highly allergic to dogs and just going to the vets office or a pet smart can trigger my nose to run and my eyes to itch. So even if I get a full time job working for someone I actually know, she still might not like me wearing a breathing mask to work if medication or sheer tolerance fails!

Good:

I thought of something meaningful and special to get my boyfriend for his birthday!

Bad:

...he was disappointed.

Good:

I can't think of anything else except I'm really sick and my nose will be raw or sore from the constant tissues I'm using. Oh wait.. that's bad. My bad.

Today didn't go as planned...

Right now I don't feel good. I think I'm going to have to go home because of being sick. I'm glad I'm not going into work until 6 pm tomorrow.

But it was suppose to be Matthew's special romantic birthday dinner and, not only were mom and daddy in the next room being noisy, but I was (and still am) sick and I didn't do most of the cooking, mom did (because I feel like crap). I knew I shouldn't have told him I had something special for him because it ended up just being egg drop soup and I could tell how disappointed he was. "So I get my present at the end of the meal?" "Um.. this is your present.." "Oh". Heh yeah... I meant for him to take the left overs but oh well, not everyone will like every present you give them! At least he didn't out right say it to my face like Chris did that one time! "Yeah, I don't like the 30 dollar game you gave me" It was years ago but it still hurt! Oh well. He said it was best to just tell someone if you didn't like their gift but man, he couldn't be more wrong! Anyway, I'll try again next year and hopefully we can be alone and I won't be sick and have something worth while to give him. Egg drop soup seemed perfect but I guess not. It ended up being to strong anyway.

The Ideal Life

I'm a dreamer. I dream and dream all day and night. I'm working on becoming a doer as well. I just found out that I have deep physiological issues stopping me from becoming a doer. But until then, here are the dreams I have for my future.

House

I want to live in the country, but not miles and miles from civilization, or red neck or hill billy county. Just a place, maybe not to far from a small town or a little under an hour away from a regular town with a mall and all that. I don't want a huge house, or a tiny house. A normal house with good, honest regular people in the area sounds perfect. I'm don't necessarily want a farm, to much work. Or a very huge property. But maybe my neighbors could :)

I would like a garden

I have a book from the library about growing your own vegetables, fruits and herbs (I'll grow some flowers too ^_^). I've been wanting a garden for years but once again those deep, physiological issues stopped me from doing anything. The only part I know I would hate about having a garden is weeding. I plan to use every trick and cheat available. Deep issues or not, that part will suck, however more rewarding the garden is because of it. But anyway, saving money and maybe making a little (there is a farmers market in that little town I talked about previously in this post) by growing some of my own food would be awesome! And apparently it gives the gardener a deep sense of satisfaction, which is always a nice thing to have.

Pets

I already talked about my pets, but I'll expand a little...

Now that I have a couple archers in my dream life, there will be a lot of room for my dream dog! Matt agreed to having a Standard Poodle instead of a Labradoodle, so now it's even less of a dream than before even though I would have gotten one regardless probably! I also want that snake, I know I want at least one horse. Oh, and probably some chickens just for the next thing I'm going to talk about...

My own business. 

I have the ability to turn any picture into this http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1683187639054&set=a.1680446330523.96948.1218496584&type=1&theater 

I've already sold several copies. When I get Adobe Illustrator (and I actually am soon!) I can make many more things like this and even do it with peoples own pictures. I can work on this while I run my fruit and vegetable stand. Yep, my fruit and vegetable stand. I can also sell home made jam, pony rides, hot dogs and my art work. It'll be the weirdest stand on the road :D I know the horse/pony will cost more than it will make on pony rides, but while the kids are on the pony the adults will be looking at the merchandise. (Matthew will be making the rest of the income :)

The above idea is only if this doesn't work out, or until this.

What's better than owning your own road side business? Going to college for 7 years and traveling around the world or sitting in a laboratory dealing with dinosaur bones! Yep, I want to be a paleontologist. This also conflicts with my other desires... you can't really be a paleontologist and live where ever you want. You need to live where you can have a job. And they don't build laboratories and museums in small country towns. This is where my dreams conflict. Sure I can still have my poodle and a small garden, but I don't really want to live in the city... I'm going to help.com about this. But later, at a better time to post (It's 1 am right now).

So this is where my dreams don't quite add up. I'm scared that I won't be able to find work in this field I have so much passion for because of the economy and it's not in high demand blah blah blah. So I'm scared I'll waste money getting degrees I can't use for much of anything and not find a job and not live in that little town. So I'll waste years I could have had my road stand and country house. But then if I just go straight to that then I might miss out on my dinosaur dream...

There is tiny hope...

Well, as it turns out I was able to keep up with the carts today to a degree (Matt has me saying 'to a degree' now, lolz). So if I could only find out how to change my availability so I don't work weekends I might be able to keep my job. The only thing, the schedule is already set for 3 weeks. I'm going to be a people greeter all but the weekends where I will no doubt be alone on carts. I was thinking of asking if I could use sick days or vacation time so I don't have to work those days. I feel terrible because then they might not have ANYONE on carts and it'll be horrible. But, I honestly only care if I'm on the clock. Otherwise, who the hell cares of a store is caught up on carts or not? Most people only care about their jobs because they're paid to.  I don't give a fuck how bakced up the parking lot is. Unless I'm on the clock.. even as a people greeter.. then it's one of the most important things ever! But only for 4 - 8 hours.

But anyway... I do have Nate fighting for me (he's awesome, lolz). He tried to show me some some techniques today and it was more obvious that I'm not cut out for this job. He thinks it's stupid they even considered me for this, but they didn't know how tiny I was and I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to do it... he would hate to see someone get fired in this dumb situation (like I said, he's awesome!). So.. yeah. I'll see what can be done.

I'm as good as fired.

I'm not angry, it's not their fault I couldn't keep up with the parking lot demand. I don't have weight to throw, and I think that's a big part of it, I'm hoping not though. I'm going to miss the nice people there. Oh well, back to the job search!